Sarah Alexander
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"Since her twin brother, Eddie, drowned five years ago, sixteen-year-old Elsie Main has tried to remember what really happened that fateful day on the beach. When cute, mysterious Tay introduces Elsie to the world of freediving, she vows to find the answers she seeks at the bottom of the sea." -- Provided by publisher.
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Late at night and a phone call that Will Not Die. You know how sometimes you can't get someone off the phone? There are too many people in this phone call. And one of them isn't really there. Meanwhile, Susan is worried she's turning into an emotional tent; she and Steve are now well and truly an item – so why is he dreaming about being executed by a method Never Before Seen on British Television - and chased by a foetus with an axe?
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One bar, three different points of view, the same nine and a half minutes. Susan and Steve are now pregnant (well, mostly Susan); Patrick and Sally are discussing commitment (well, mostly Sally) and there's this guy called Oliver who has a blind date with Jane. But is his job going to be a problem? Meanwhile, in the skies above an Aegean island, terrible danger grows. Featuring hot girl on girl action with Gina Bellman and Sarah Alexander.
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Since the dawn of time, men and women have been falling in love - and men have been trying to get straight home afterwards. Can fallen playboy Patrick Maitland ever find his way home from the Enchanted Glade of his one true love and get a decent night's kip? Kate Isitt as Sally makes her singing debut.
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Steve and Susan have been together for a year. And in the field of human relationships, what is the most frightening thing that can come through your door? A wedding invitation! At the breakfast table Susan is harassed and absorbed in her work. Tonight is the first anniversary of their first date, and there it is, the putting-thoughts-in-your-long- term-girlfriend's-head bomb, ticking away right in Steve's hand.
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Steve is in the bar with Jeff and Patrick, cringing at the memory of watching tv with Susan the previous evening - a documentary which mentions that men in stable relationships frequently continue to masturbate. Jane and Sally are intrigued to know whether Steve still goes solo. To add to Steve's misery, Susan has invited her parents for dinner - her parents who are in the habit of talking about sex as if it were a completely normal thing. Meanwhile,...
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Steve has lost his apartment keys and goes to Susan's to find them. But instead he finds Sally stepping out of the shower... How can he ever tell Susan that he's seen her best friend's bottom? "You have seen into the heart of the forbidden lands," Jeff tells him, "You must never speak of what you saw!" Steve must also steer clear of Captain Subtext, who will collude with the Prickles, the Blurts and the Head Laugh to tell Susan everything. All this...
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Jeff, a beautiful woman, and an offer he cannot accept. A very nervous Jeff has arranged to have a friendly drink with gorgeous Wilma who comes clean – she likes him like mad and she wants to 'borrow' him from his girlfriend. After a spectacularly awkward, drink-sipping silence, Wilma offers him unconditional sex and Jeff is a man without the emotional software to say no. Steve inadvertently compares his own relationship to the Cold War and Sally...
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Something stirs in Sally's bedroom. It's three in the morning, and Patrick has been called out to rescue Sally from a spider in her bedroom. This event causes them both to reflect on their very different recollections of their first meeting at Susan's office party 4 years ago. While Jeff expounds on Porn Jelly and his eight thousand names for breasts, Patrick has to face an uncomfortable truth. Is there some kind of emotional thing with Sally? What...
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Jane's boyfriend doesn't have sex. Steve doesn't have eyes in his bottom. A quiet night in with Julia leads Jeff to a Nudity Hoovering problem. Steve is troubled by a freckle on his bottom and reaches for the Book of Death (The Medical Health Encyclopedia). Sally and Patrick have become new partner-hating best friends and possibly mole-buddies. And if all that wasn't enough, it's time for them all to meet James, Jane's religious broadcaster boyfriend...
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Steve has been having problems with being witty and eloquent on the phone to Susan. Susan invites him 'round for supper at her place. As Jeff expounds on "the sock gap" and offers advice on foreplay and his theory on celebrity marriages, he has no idea Susan can overhear everything. Meanwhile, Patrick invites Sally on a date to a motor show. Elsewhere, to everyone's surprise, Jane materializes with Howard, a particularly good-looking young man.
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Jane's attention has been caught by Bill, a stunningly handsome guy in the bar. Lust at first sight, contact is established. Although Jane has been a bit horrible to his friends, Bill suggests she join him for dinner the following evening at his place. Meanwhile Patrick needs a pretend wife just for one evening. He and a colleague Ivan are fiercely competitive; Ivan recently got married, so naturally Patrick has invented a whole marriage. Amazingly,...
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Jane turns up on Patrick's doorstep. Meanwhile the boys discuss screen nudity. When Jane opens Patrick's cupboard and is confronted by a wall of videos, she grabs him and slams him against the wall. It seems Patrick has filmed all the women he's ever had sex with — including Susan. News spreads about the videos. But just who has the naked rights to Susan now that she's going out with Steve? Slightly anxious, Susan decides to confront Patrick, only...
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In the salon Sally is slumped in front of the mirror examining her expanding face with Susan, when Jane stumbles in dramatically and tells them she's been totally and utterly sacked from her job as a flying eye with the local radio station. As the girls hit the vodka bottle, and discuss other career options for Jane, she shyly admits she has a plan. Meanwhile a grim looking Patrick strides into the bar. He has decided to terminate his latest girlfriend...
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The boys are sitting in the bar looking at a beautiful girl with the casual lust of no-hopers. When she glances at Jeff, the others encourage him to go and talk to her. A man on his way to an execution, Jeff plods off in the direction of the bar. Before long he's babbling away — but she seems to understand nothing. The girl is from Israel — she hasn't understood a word. The next day the girls watch the same beautiful girl in the bar. Suddenly...
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Sally is having a drink with a complete oaf called Brian. She spots Patrick with a bunch of business cronies and begs him to rescue her, which he does in true tripod style. Soon they are drinking to Code Red and wondering whether they should have got indelicate together. The next day, Sally decides they should do it - now, a one-time-only offer. He's got the builders in, her flatmate's at home with 'flu; but she has the key to Susan's flat and arranges...