In Jake Stonebender's little Key West bar, Fast Eddie Costigan learned to curse back at parrots as he played the house piano; the Reverend Tom Hauptman learned to tend bar bare-chested without blushing; and Long-Drink McGonnigle discovered the margarita and several senoritas. Nobody even noticed them save the universe.

After ten slow, merry years, their laid-back existence is disturbed by a malevolent, moronic mastodon of a Mafioso named Tony Donuts, Jr., who intends to resurrect the classic protection racket. Then, thanks to very poor accessorizing, Jake's wife Zoey finds herself in a place with no light, no heat, no air, and no way home. The mystery of her whereabouts turns out to be so complex that even the entire gang, equipped with telepathy, teleportation, and time travel, might not be able to crack it in time.